1… 2… 3… 

My feet march in rhythm, 

Eyes filled with tears. 

Breathe, Elaina, Breathe 

My brain goes blank. 

How do you breathe, 

The voice of panic floods my brain. 

1…2…3… 

My body goes through the movements, 

Stepping alongside my heart beat. 

 My chords tense up, 

No, no, no, 

Not here, and please not now. 

1…2…3…

These words feel as familiar as a close friend, 

As comforting as a hug. 

But in this moment, 

These words feel more foe than friend. 

The comfort is gone 

Only fear remains. 

1…2…3…

My head is spinning,

nerves pulsing through my body.

My mouth starts to sing something else.

Stop,

I say aloud,

Focus on the tasks at hand.

1…2…3… 

“You got this”, 

My loved ones say as I feel their warm embrace. 

No, I don’t, 

My brain yells back. 

They recognize my glossed over eyes 

And my shaking hands. 

They’ve seen this movie before

And they know how it ends. 

1…2…3… 

“I can’t do this” 

I mouth as I climb the steps. 

My mother gives me a thumbs up  

While I shake my head in disagreement. 

The piano starts to play, 

Filling the room with the all familiar melody. 

1…2…3… 

My internal monologue echos 

As I cue myself into the song…..