Why am I so in my head, unable to separate fact from fiction? 

Why do I care so deeply about everything around me, allowing myself to get hurt in the process? 

My brain is like a tornado,

Always spinning, spinning, spinning. 

When the tornado takes over it is all-consuming, 

And I am left to pick up the pieces of the mass destruction in front of me. 

My voice shakes as I raise my hand just to answer a question 

But I hear their taunts anyway.  

A smile from the teacher results in me going back in my shell. 

Breathe. 

Breathe. 

Breathe. 

The little blue bubbles light up my phone. 

I respond, I’m trying, but in reality, I’m letting the anxiety win. 

She knows this which is why she keeps prompting me to focus on outside of myself. 

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. 

Oh my God, I forgot how to breathe. 

I can feel the tears forming in my eyes. 

No not again.

I know exactly what is happening. 

I can’t be the crying girl in class again. 

I rush to grab my headphones.

Music. Music will calm me. 

I turn on the playlist ‘Breathe’ and try to do just that. 

I am met with a Spotify ad and my heart rate once again does jumping jacks. 

And not in the good way, in the I can’t breathe way.  

Focus. 

You’re okay. 

Ride the wave. 

You’re okay. 

The speaker in my brain echoes. 

Even though it is on full volume

I don’t hear a word.